I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just had sex bonerless
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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