but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
