thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
