girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
