shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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