we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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