I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
whose parrot is this?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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