we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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