new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dick very happy bro
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
