Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
