alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
