So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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