I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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