Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
