chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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