mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
