He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and she was petting her beer can
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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