she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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