I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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