So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
worst night to have a conscience
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
