I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize