you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
