just survived the first fart of the relationship.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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