I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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