Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize