absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
