Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize