I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
