One girl and one boy is just not enough.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
