I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
