i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
