Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
