Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
