So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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