I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
