We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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