She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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