Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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