And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
