I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
