I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
