Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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