By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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