I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
wow bdsm is so cute
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