Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
