i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
