I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
