ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
