meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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