I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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