possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize