i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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