Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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