I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
