i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
