I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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