This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
