i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
