Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
