Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
someone owes me an orgasm
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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