Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My life is pants optional.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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