Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
