If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
