the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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