just come out here and I will go home with you...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
