no, he came in my armpit
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
