I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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