He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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