Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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