I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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