I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
