1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
