I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The air was thick with penises
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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