she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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