I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize