it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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