I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
