Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
