i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
