So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize