There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
