So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
