Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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