Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
