So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he just fucked me for my cheese.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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