He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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