I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
