She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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