I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize