We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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