I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
