well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
