The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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